So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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