If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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