It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize