i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
