Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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