I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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