so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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