her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
