Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
