Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
