Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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