Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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