Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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