i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
