5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
