Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
