my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
