Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
