I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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