There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
