Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
