So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
