apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
