May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
