ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just sent this text using only my big toe
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
