walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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