I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
