Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
