Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
