I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
