She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
