fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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