my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
