i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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