im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
