why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
