Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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