Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize