My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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