Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
