Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
