there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The uberlube is also flammable
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What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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