A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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