what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
