I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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