Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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