saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
