Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
