he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
