i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
