She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
