I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
