the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
