She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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