I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
