I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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