When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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