mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
