Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
