yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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