My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
