a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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