This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
